Saturday, August 28, 2010

Plumbers, Pull up Dem Pants! - Adult Entertainment Ordinance Coming to Public Hearing This Month

NOTE: In case you are coming in to this late, please read up on the history of this.

Apparently, the pleasures of viewing "the cleavage of the human buttock" will soon be a thing of the past for Lynners.  Yes... my treasured Plumber's butt is one of the defined banned Anatomical Areas in the new pointless ordinance. Sorry ladies...

I wish we were past a lot of this crap in this country, but we're not, so I can understand an ordinance on public nudity. I assume that's already on the books though... I can also understand the parts of this ordinance that prohibit Massage Parlors (where sexual activity is occurring) and Sexual Encounter Centers, but again, I assume that is prostitution.... and we already have something on the books for this too... I can also understand prohibiting establishments from having signs depicting sexual activity, and we all know by now that ISD would be on those sites likes cleavages on buttocks... so that's taken care of as well... So, what is this ordinance going to do specifically .... that is different?

From what I can tell, it seems to make it almost impossible to open a strip club (fine). It prohibits any strip club from serving alcohol and all "adult entertainment uses" have to close to the public at 11:30PM. It pretty much puts all the girls in pasties (welcome to 1930) and no guy can show his buttock cleavage (think we may have some places already that this will impact).  I can already see the Supreme Court cases now.

So fine.... if we don't want strip clubs, then just say so... This ordinance however goes much further than that.

I worry about some of the bathing suits I see on the beach being in violation of this ordinance. I guess we'll just have to put a towel around ourselves when we cross over from Nahant into Lynn.  The bottom of the female breast is OK as long as there is a bathing suit or other piece of clothing covering the areola. Yes, your city is putting a dress code in place with this ordinance.  I'm not sure if thongs will be allowed anymore. Seriously, if that ain't butt cleavage, I don't know what is.

This ordinance is bad for football players too. We can't touch each other on the "buttocks" anymore after this passes. Not in public at least.

OK, so maybe I'm exaggerating a bit since we all know it probably won't get enforced anyway and it certainly won't get enforced on the beach or on the Bulldog's playing field. But let's take a look at  where this ordinance is targeted: "Adult entertainment and Sexually Oriented Businesses"

- Adult Bookstores where more than 10% of the total floor area or stock is devoted to "sexual conduct" or "sexual excitement" as defined in M.G.L., Chapter 272, Section 31. By that definition, I would think even Border's might not be able to open in Lynn. Border's is one end of the spectrum, Amazing is the other. There are plenty in the middle. Have fun drawing this line in court, over and over again.

- Adult Paraphernalia Store where a substantial or significant portion of its stock is devices, objects, tools, or toys distinguished by their association with the conduct or excitement stated above.  Sex toy parties are a thing of the past after this sucker passes and we might want to make "substantial" and "significant" and actual percentage, don't you think?

- Adult Video Store - again with the definition above, I think we should shut down Blockbuster. Even Titantic has some "sexual excitement" in it. We should probably put that movie in the special room or wrap it in a brown bag so minors can't see it. This ordinance would require that.

- Adult Movie Theatre, Adult Booths, Adult Motel, Sexual Encounter Center, Massage Parlor are also in here.  I think those are self explanatory.

- Adult Dancing means any dancing which exposes to view by patrons or spectators on the premises at any time the specified anatomical areas and/or specified sexual activities, as defined in this Ordinance.

I think this is my favorite part where "The Ordinance" defines what Anatomical Areas and Sexual Activities are.

Anatomical Areas
1. Human genitals or pubic region (fine)
2. The cleavage of the human buttock (what?)
3. any portion of the human female breasts below a horizontal line across the top of the areola at its highest point, the entire lower half of the human female breast, not including cleavage of the human female breast exhibited by a dress, blouse, shirt, leotard, bathing suit or other wearing apparel provided that the areola is not exposed in whole or in part (wow! that was a mouthful...oppps bad choice of words.)
4. Human male genitals in a discernible (spelled discernable in the ordinance) turgid state, even if completely and opaquely covered. (poor schoolkids, make sure you always have a book bag handy to hide that turgid state of yours)

Sexual Activities (including, but not limited to)

1. human genitals in a state of sexual stimulation or arousal
2. acts of human masturbation
3. sexual intercourse or sodomy
4. fondling or erotic touching of human genitals, pubic region or pubic hair, buttocks or human breasts
5. flagellation or torture on the context of a sexual relationship
6. masochism, erotic or sexually oriented torture, beating or the infliction of pain
7. erotic touching, fondling or other such contact with an animal by a human being
8. excretory functions as part of or in connection with any of the activities listed herein

Please go to City Hall... run to the City Clerk's office and get a copy of this ordinance to read-over. Do NOT just assume that this is a "stop strip club" ordinance. Get educated before getting behind this. It's dangerous! Period. Needs to be whittled down to it's point and not become a war we have to fight in Courts at all levels.

This ordinance sites 4 specific cases for precedent. They are all outdated and were all vicously fought all the way up the court system often ending in very close decisions.

1. Erie v. Pap's A.M., 529 U.S. 277 (2000)
2. Barnes v. Glen Theatre, Inc., 501 U.S. 560 (1991)
3. City of Renton v. Paytime Theatres Inc., 475 U.S. 41 (1986)
4. Young v. American Mini Theatres, U.S. 50 (1976)

I fail to see the point in this at all. I still believe this is a scare tactic with an immediate pointless solution to something we don't have as a problem in this City. 

So, what do we think boys and girls?



  1. Did our city's lawyers get their degrees by sending in box tops or something? Also, there's no excuse for misspelled words anymore. With automatic spell checking, I even get the red underline if I make a "typo" in this comment box.

    Actually, this proposed ordinance is a poor attempt to manipulate the law to suit what they want. It shows no respect for the law. And by what you said Corey, it has to dig for rulings that just barely squeezed by for any justification.

    Please file this ordinance under, "This is why New Yorkers make fun of New England." In New York City, it's legal for women to go topless.

    But it's not a surprise from the region of the country that at different times banned theatre, bingo and bowling.

  2. Have a copy I can read? Can't really see myself lugging the kiddos to city hall to pick this one up... Have a couple of major questions as to how this would apply to the arts... because, you know, artists have been known to use nudity in their work from time to time. Also wondering if it would affect breastfeeding in public places at all... Need to know info.

  3. You'd need to get a special permit to breast feed in public and you'd only be able to do it in a Heavy Industrial Zone.

    I hope that's not true, but that's how I read it.

    Do you have a copy machine?

  4. I couldn't agree more, Corey. If they want to ban strip clubs, that's fine. But wrapping that one issue in all of this other crazy language is totally absurd. And if I may make a bigger point: We have WAY MORE IMPORTANT IMMEDIATE PROBLEMS in Lynn than this, like fighting crime, improving education, and encouraging economic development. Why a politician would spend so much time putting this together, I'll never know. Oh, wait, yes I do: isn't election time coming up? Time to scare everyone into believing that Lynn is about to get inundated with all kinds of crazy illegal sexual activity with "human breasts" and "animals!" OY.

  5. don't forgot those evil turgid men walking around everywhere.

  6. What a silly can of worms to open. Trust me, Lynn - You don't want to waste a minute of your time litigating what is and isn't art. That's been a red herring since Duchamp, if not earlier.

    RE: #8 - at least excretory functions NOT connected to sexual activity is still OK in public. I'm off to the train station...

  7. Good calllout on #8. Non-human male genitals are also still OK.

  8. does it say if this is modeled from anywhere?

    I only know about trees and buildings.. lol

  9. No it doesn't. I still need to do some searches to see if I can figure that out. The Pitbull ordinance had some copy paste errors which gave away where it was copied from, but this one was clean of all that.

  10. You cannot ban strip clubs - it's as simple as that. You can make them hard to open, and you can choose where they can go, but you cannot ban them - it's that pesky Supreme Court thing again. Does Lynn have an adult entertainment district? If not, an adult entertainment business can open anywhere in town entertainment is allowed by zoning regulations. Of course, a liquor license would be necessary to make it pay, but that's another matter.

  11. Yes, you're correct. The problem with the proposed ordinance is that it goes above and beyond the call of duty, doing more than just creating districts and restricting liquor licenses. It's going to get our city in trouble, in the courts...potentially.

  12. To Seth's first point, this is exactly what I was thinking. Where did our venerable city hall lawyers get their degrees and what are we paying them to come up with this crap? They construct ordinances that won't hold up in a court of law, and they get all the way to the mayor who then has to do research into their legality before deciding to sign them. Enough already!

  13. Just copy the ordinance--no butt cleavage.

  14. They cannot ban breast feeding. What about a stripper that wants to breast feed at the end of her shift?
    What a bunch of retards...

  15. Cambridge has that or had that club Man Ray??? What would stop a current club from putting on a Kink night or something. They should just to piss off all these uptight people.

  16. Father Phelan apparently feels that he can help get rid of the City of Sin rhyme by imposing some of his morals in this ordinance on all of us.

    I never want to come out of Lynn the way I went in. That's the beauty of Lynn. Embrace the rhyme.

  17. Just think, when (if) Phelan is mayor, that slogan on the side of the Salvation Army opposite city hall will be true: Lynn, Lynn, city of...Him


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